Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
