yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
