good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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