you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
