Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Two words: nipple clamps
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