Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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