Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
