I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
