I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
