I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
