I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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