Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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