gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
