I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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