Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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