dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
