3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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