My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
