Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
