I want to have your abortion
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
