Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize