He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
