I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
