I think I am morally bankrupt
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
