We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
