What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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