Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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