last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
