You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
