He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she pinky promised me she was 18
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
