Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize