walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
