So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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