You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
