I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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