I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
