Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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