why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
