Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
