Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
