woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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