Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
