the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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