Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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