Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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