idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
