Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
