I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
