Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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