White coat. Heels.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
