come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
