Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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