every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
