is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
