Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
