I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
