sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
