I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
