you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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