We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
