Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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