end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize