when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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