Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
